The Carb Experiments: A Peer-Reviewed Ranking of Our Bagel Lineup

Every research lab needs a control group, a hypothesis, and at least one bagel that makes people close their eyes when they bite into it. At Coco Lab 172, we happen to have six of them. We call the bagel section of our menu "The Carb Experiments" for a reason: every sandwich that leaves our counter has been rigorously "tested" (read: eaten, repeatedly, by people who take carbohydrates very seriously) before it earns a permanent spot in the lineup.

What follows is not an official scientific ranking. There is no peer review board. There is, however, a toasted sourdough bagel, a slab of cream cheese, and a lot of very confident opinions. Consider this our lab notebook, opened for public inspection.

The Control Group: Cream Cheese Plain

Every experiment needs a baseline, and ours is the Cream Cheese Plain, toasted bagel, cream cheese, nothing else standing in the way. At 4.30€, it's less a menu item and more a scientific constant, the number you compare everything else against. It sounds simple because it is simple, and there is nothing wrong with that. Some of the best research starts with restraint.

The Overachiever: Ham, Egg & Truffle

If the Cream Cheese Plain is our control group, the Ham, Egg & Truffle is the experiment that got a little out of hand, in the best possible way. Iberian ham, scrambled egg, emmental, a drizzle of truffle oil, and rocket for something green to point at when someone asks if this is a balanced breakfast. At 7.50€, it reads modest on paper and eats like a small indulgence you didn't plan for. This is the bagel most likely to convert a skeptic.

The Heavyweight: Pastrami

We'll go into more forensic detail on this one elsewhere (some experiments deserve their own paper), but no ranking is complete without acknowledging the Pastrami's place at the top of the food chain. Cream cheese, pastrami, emmental, dijon mustard, red onion: 12.00€ of deli-counter ambition stacked between two halves of toasted sourdough. It's the bagel you order when you're not interested in negotiating.

The Reliable Middle Child: Smoked Salmón

Cream cheese, smoked salmon, capers, red onion, dill: the Smoked Salmón bagel at 10.50€ is the kind of order that never disappoints and never particularly surprises, which is exactly the point. Capers do the heavy lifting here, cutting through the richness of the salmon and cream cheese with the kind of acidity that keeps every bite interesting. This is the bagel for people who know what they want and don't need convincing.

The Underrated One: Turkey & Emmental

The Turkey & Emmental doesn't shout. Turkey breast, mayonnaise, emmental, dijon mustard, rocket, tomato, at 6.50€, it's the most conventional sandwich on the menu, and that's precisely why it deserves more attention than it gets. Sometimes the experiment isn't about pushing boundaries. Sometimes it's about executing the fundamentals so well that nobody questions the method.

The Wildcard: Egg & Cheese

Scrambled egg, cream cheese, emmental, 6.50€, and absolutely no pretense about what it's trying to be. The Egg & Cheese is comfort food dressed up in lab-coat branding, and it earns its spot on this list for sheer dependability. Order it when you want something that will not challenge you in any way and will still be extremely good.

The Methodology, Explained

Every bagel starts on the same base: your choice of everything/sesame, poppy seed, or plain, toasted fresh for each order. A gluten-free base is available for an additional 1.00€, because a legitimate lab doesn't gatekeep its research from anyone who wants in.

None of this is peer-reviewed in any way a real scientific journal would recognize. But we did promise "serious science, zero seriousness," and a ranked bagel lineup is about as serious as ridiculous gets. Come run your own trial. The lab is open daily from 08:30 until we run out of carbs, and dogs are, as always, on the guest list.